I'll Stand By You - Addressing Men's Mental Health

Disappointment is rampant. Jobs we didn’t get. Promotions that went to another. Recognition seemingly given to everyone but you. And let’s not forget the other areas of life – spouses who’ve left, kids who want distance from you, finances that won’t straighten, etc. And pepper it all with a little childhood trauma on top and you have a recipe for disappointment, at the very least, if not full-blown depression. 

I would like to say enough.

Firstly, I am not immune to the perspectives shared above. My career has been one of blessing and pain. My family has experienced the very best and the very worst of me. My reputation has been lifted and pummeled. And truth be told, I am far from alone in this.

So today, I would like to affirm a position – we need each other. It’s time to forgive yourself and others. The power of that pain does not deserve top billing in your life. We don’t have to remain in disappointment despite the difficulties. Mindset matters, not in a Tony Robbins sort of way, but in a “why do I want to keep living this way” way.

Over the past twelve months, I have lost two male friends to suicide. I have had one friend enter a facility for mental health treatment. I have a handful of friends who are or have been in drug rehab. Three friends that have or are going through a divorce. Again, this is all in the last twelve months. 

I am particularly sensitive this month as it is Movember men’s mental health month. I don’t want to go the funeral of another suicide. I don’t want to get the text at midnight from a friend who hears the bottle calling to him. I don’t want to cry with my recently laid-off 50-year-old friend as he can’t see a way that anyone would hire him again. But I will keep doing it because that’s what’s needed.

And that’s my ask of our community: would you please ask the hard questions to the men in your life? When they respond with an “I’m fine,” please ask again. And then be there for them.

In human resources, we are uniquely trained and prepared to engage in the human condition. We have been equipped with tools to address breaks in communication, in direction, in impact. We need to walk around, even virtually, ready to activate those tools. Our people need us. 

My BFF, Steve Browne, shared something a while back: “No, life is full of ebbs and flows, joys and trials. I just hadn’t had everything hit like this in such a short period of time, so I did something I rarely do – I asked for help.” This guy stands in front of hundreds and hundreds of people each year to encourage them in their professional impact on the human lives they touch. He has been a beacon of love and light for years, and yet, he needed help. 

We need to normalize the asking. It’s okay. Guys, let me say this again: It’s okay. Ask for the help. Some of you are battling cancer, depression, alcoholism, divorce, etc. (FYI, this is my list from just the past thirty days of conversations). And HR cannot just say, here’s the EAP link. We need to sit and to listen. We may not be able to solve the underlying issues, but being present and attentive is a step towards care and healing. 

We have talked about “being heard” for decades, and we talk about it because it has validity. So, sit and listen. Participate in the conversation. Laugh, cry, give the genuine visual cues of attention and compassion. 

Please don’t read this as a rant. I would very much appreciate it if you did not. Read it instead as a call to opportunity. How can I be more aware of those around me and to check in with them more regularly? We need one another. We do.